I became tied down and married so young to Jay that there are many times that I look at my life and wonder what if… I wonder what if I would have dating a bit first, what if I would have finished college all at the same time instead of starting and stopping, starting and stopping then finally graduating just over a year ago with nothing to show for it with not longer being able to pursue a teaching job. The one regret in life that I do have is not continuing the friendships that I have made along the way. I seem to forget about the meaning behind keeping in touch and let’s do lunch.
Jay doesn’t have more than me in life and doesn’t go out at all so therefore I leave the house feeling guilty that I am working on and continuing a social life when he has never even tried for one. We wants to golf in the summer but then complains that it’s only family that he looks to go with, he wants to be on a bowling league then complains that it costs too much money to commit to each week.
It’s a never ending battle that I wish I could fix but I am who I am and I love the person that I want to become it’s just getting there that is hard work.
Do I like being married? …for the most part, I do. Do I want more out of life? …who doesn’t?!
After 9 almost 10 years of marriage I look at the accomplishments: entered into for the right reasons – love, companionship and consistent commitment. Everyone in my family especially my sisters said it would never last and I would be the one getting a divorce and remarrying someone new, however I was out to prove them wrong and I have; so now what?
I have 2 wonderful and amazing boys… they bring a whole new meaning to the word love and commitment. It’s those boys that I long for a happier life for, it’s my boys that I want to grow up understanding why I am who I am and why I’m trying so hard to be someone better that they can be proud of. Interpersonal strength is what drives me and the love that I have for my boys. Is only the beginning of a long chapter of reasoning’s, excuses and goal setting that I tried so hard to achieve!!
So to answer your question: have I accomplished what I am looking for, longing for. I guess so however am I happy within all 3?
I’ll leave you to understand the result!
